“Relationship is primary…It is possible to cause seemingly biochemical changes through human emotional involvement. You literally have changed his chemistry by being his friend.” — a psychiatrist quoted in “The Soloist,” by Steve Lopez
Psalm 51:10
Ecclesiastes 4:10-12
I have been thinking a lot about relationships, these past few months. Well, maybe all my life, but especially in the past few months. The things I miss about my relationship with my mother. The things we never got right. My relationship with my husband, and the things we have yet to get right. My relationship with my 13-year-old daughter, and how almost desperate I feel at times, to get that right. With adults, there are more chances for do-overs. Kids are forgiving and resilient, but with kids, those moments in time can really stick. They remember a look, a tone, a few words spoken in frustration.
The more I learn about brain development, the more seriously I take this business of relationship. Of human interaction, and of being conscious of creating an atmosphere that nurtures growth and development. There was a time when my home and even my presence (I’ve been told) supported such an atmosphere. That’s not true, now. I say this NOT to have you kind, generous folks jump up and say, “Oh, yes, you do!” I don’t need that. And I live in my house and in my head, so I know better. Illness and relationships and life circumstances have taken a toll. I am in the process of trying to climb back to that place, to that piece of my identity. And I will. Because I choose to, and because God will help.
I am thankful for the words and the actions of those who continue to help change my chemistry in the right direction.
What Was I Thinking? 
I know you’re not looking for “oh yes you do,” but oh yes you do. Recent events may mean you’re not doing it as much as you’d like, but you do. I’m sure you’ll be able to get back to a place where you’re feeling better about it, and thank you for reminding us how important it is.
Knowing that there is an opportunity to make a difference and committing to taking advantage of as many of those opportunities as you can is halfway there. At least. Good post this morning.
This is why I have my closest relationships with cats. They forgive a lot of things, and will never tell their school friends that mom stayed in her jammies and slippers all day.
Have I told you lately you have beautiful eyes? 🙂
Oh, I get this. I TOTALLY get this. I love you, Miz Susie, for putting it so perfectly into words.
Ok, Susie, I won’t say it. But will pray that you’ll get there, and that you’ll recognize and believe it when you do. You’re the therapist, I’m not, but I was told once by a therapist that “friend therapy” is very important to all of us, echoed, I guess in your relationship statement.
I don’t know how much therapeutic benefit you have gotten in the past from this blog, but hope to see you a bit more often. I know you are not fishing for comments of the cheerleading type, but just wondered if the act of writing this blog was therapeutic in itself. Especially when you share with us in humorous ways about things that are not particularly funny.
Thanks for checking in. I think of you often!
P.S. – I loved Jana’s comment about your beautiful eyes. Too funny!
You know those moments you never got right with your mom?
There is a reason for that. I am not sure what it is but you will figure it out
Just here to say hello. Love the photo.
My oldest has one foot out the door — he’s a high school senior– and I know that desperate feeling.
The great thing about you writing this post? Even if your daughter doesn’t understand now, she will be able to come here at a future time and see and KNOW that you truly desired to get it right.
Happy Sunday, Susie! I’m glad you posted. 🙂
You articulate my one greatest fear: of inadvertently (or worse, intentionally in a fit of pique) harming the relationships in my family by simple virtue of being my own finite self. If it were merely a fear, I wouldn’t fret so much. But I’ve seen myself do it, and I live with the consequences — some minuscule, but others indelible. I tell myself, and now you, that all we can do is endeavor to be better, however irregular and/or slow the progress, and truly embrace the moments when we’ve got it right.
I’m missing you.
First thing the picture brought to my mind is the song SUNRISE, SUNSET from a play. Bride and Groom under a canopy, parents reminiscing.
Then come the words about daughter, relationships.
Gentle sigh had Husband look over my way.
Thanks for posting. Well worth waiting for :-*
~~love and Huggs, Diane
Hey Susie, thanks for posting again, you’re still on my “check in and see how you’re doing” blogroll… and it sounds like you’re doing okay, one foot in front of the other.
Take care, much love to you & the family
Hugs, my friend…and peace.
“And then there were three, faith, hope and love. The greatest of these is love.” That was my bible study today. I learned that I need to give love more freely.
I love you, Susie.
Oh, dear sister, how I do love you. 🙂