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Archive for January, 2009

Like so many parents today, from time to time I can be heard lamenting how my child is so much more techno-savvy than I. She knows much more about my cell phone’s capabilities than I will ever care to. Every so often, she changes some settings on it, just to keep things fresh.

During one of those freshening sessions, she decided I needed a more interesting ringtone than the default one. I told her she could choose something for me. She did better than that — she and her friend, Roxie, created my own personal “your phone’s ringing” alert. In the form of a recorded voice message. I told her that would be fine. Then I forgot about it.

Nearly 100% of the time, my phone is on vibrate while I’m at work. But then there’s that other minuscule percentage of time when the ringer is on, maximum volume. As it was recently when I was wrapping up a session with two parents and a child, LG’s age. We had been talking about the importance of maintaining age-appropriate boundaries within the family. The child had been treating her parents as peers — in terms of name-calling, cursing at them, telling them what to do, etc. — mostly because the parents usually acted her age. I thought we’d made significant progress in the hour. Then my phone “rang.” Except it wasn’t exactly a “ring.”

Nope. It was LG. Yelling at me. Her recorded “ringtone” was her shouting, “YO, MAMA! Telephone! Pick it up! I said PICK. IT. UP. Answer your phone, WOMAN!” And in the background, Roxie was hip-hop chanting, “Pick it up, YEA! Yo, pick it up! Pick it up!”

Ohdeargod. I had half-listened to it when LG and Roxie were playing around with it, but I’d never heard the final product, didn’t know it had been designated as my new ringtone. I scrambled to dig the damned thing out of my purse, trying not to look at the widening eyes of all three clients. When I finally found it, I quickly muted it, and apologized for the interruption. The tween client said, “Who was THAT?”

I sheepishly explained, being emphatic that “it was a JOKE,” and both my daughter and I knew that; my daughter would not speak to me that way in normal conversation . . .yadda yadda yadda.

Not sure they bought it.

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Sunday Post

counter intelligence

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.” — William Arthur Ward

Ephesians 4:29

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My five-year-old niece came in from playing with the neighbor kids the other night, soon after their dad, Mr. Bob, came home early from work.

Someone asked her if she was done playing already, and she said that she had to come home because “Mr. Bob got laid.”

My sister-in-law ventured forth to verify the facts and learned that, in fact, Mr. Bob had lost his job. He didn’t get “laid,” but “laid-off.” Which, when you think about it, is a lot like “screwed,” so maybe she wasn’t too far off.

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Whereas, having been born on the day of the feast of the Epiphany, and whereas, “epiphany” is a very cool word to say, and inasmuch as I have, throughout my adult life, allowed myself a second chance at “New Year’s Day,” for purposes of resolution do-overs and the like, by proclaiming January 6th the REAL first day of the new year, and

Whereas, this year of our Lord 2009 has, more than any other in recent memory, gotten off to a particularly sucky start for myself and numerous friends, both online and off (as well as for various public figures); and having obtained endorsement of such a proposition by numerous, notable online friends, I do hereby propose (and decree, and maintain, and . . . PROCLAIM, yea that’s what I was going for, a PROCLAMATION)

that the New Year of 2009 shall, for all intensive purposes* begin on THIS day, January 6th.

Happy Birthday to me (and August95, and Shari’s husband, and I hope William’s baby but I can’t promise anything there THEY DID IT! THEY DELIVERED — AND BY THEY, I TOTALLY MEAN LAUREN — BABY JACKSON GREY ON MY BIRTHDAY! AND HIS, OF COURSE. WOOFREAKINHOO!!!!) and

Happy New Year to you!

*Today is the only day on which this phrase may be used; all other days, one must say, “for all intents and purposes.” Today is also the day that any and all other malapropisms (and/or “eggcorns”) will be most welcome here. After today, however, we must nick them in the butt.

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Sunday Post

NY08-curtain shadow

Lord, I hope this day is good
I’m feeling empty and misunderstood.
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should.
But, Lord, I hope this day is good.

I don’t need fortune and I don’t need fame.
Send down the thunder, Lord.
Send down the rain.
But when you’re planning just how it will be,
Plan a good day for me.”

Some of us have not yet been all that impressed with 2009 (I’ve attended one funeral of a friend, lost another relationship to debilitating illness, and WTF is coming on with a vengeance; I’m aware of other calamities and disappointments among blogfriends). However, we remain hopeful. Maybe it’s just a slow-starter, late-bloomer kind of year.

I Peter 5:7

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