They’ll have to make Hell bigger.
I was on the phone with my Mom the other day. Eighty-five years old, has had a couple of strokes, widowed, and allows my 40-something crazy addict brother to live with her. It’s not a happy conversation. It’s really heart-hurting. She’s calling to say that because my brother has run up her telephone bill, and taken the money to pay for her TV service, she’s going to have to turn off both phone and TV.
We talk for a long time about her money trouble, and the absolute need for her to cut my brother off and throw him out. She can’t/won’t. And the rest of us won’t send her money because he takes it. We tried sending things like grocery store gift cards, but he’s taken those, too, to sell. It’s a hell of a mess.
Then she’s on to the next topic: Social Security. “Have you heard that Social Security is ending any day now?” she asks.
“What? No it’s not, Mom. What are you talking about?”
“I get a letter almost every day saying this month could be my last getting my Social Security check . . . ”
“From WHOM?”
“Washington! I’ve got six or seven of them right here . . . ‘the situation is urgent’ . . . ‘you must send us at least $5 to help save Social Security’…”
“Mom, look; you have enough trouble dealing with reality. That’s not real. Don’t worry about that. Those are scams. They just want your money. Unless it comes from the Social Security Administration, just THROW. IT. AWAY. Don’t worry about it.”
“But it says Congress has wasted all our money . . . right here, let me read it to you . . .” and she skims . . . “says they’ve spent all the Social Security money on . . . ‘expensive vacations’ and . . . and ‘PORK!'”
And there is the laugh I’d needed.
Later, telling Jif about the Social Security crisis created by the U.S. Congress’s love of the other white meat, we agreed that once you get started, it’s hard to stop:
“There’s bacon . . . chops . . . don’t forget RIBS!” Social Security is in big trouble.
But really, six or seven different groups who are making money by getting frightened little old ladies and gents to send them $5 to save their desperately needed Social Security checks? They’re gonna have to make Hell bigger to accommodate such.
What Was I Thinking? 