When the decision to help Biscuit die had been made, we had to talk specifics with the vet’s people. A very gentle, soft-spoken woman named Heather, presented the options to me over the phone. I asked for the prices of each option. I was somewhat in a fog of grief, so I had to ask her to repeat several things. The gist of it all was, Biscuit’s body could be returned to us for burial (no charge, except for the injection); he could be cremated individually and returned to us in a basic urn, or in a decorative urn of our choosing ($200 plus injection and urn cost); or he could be cremated along with all the other animals who had recently died, and nothing would be returned to us ($90 plus injection). After going over the prices, Heather added, “I know your bill is already huge, with the last week of day hospital, so I imagine you want to keep costs down…”
“Well, yes,” I answered, on autopilot, while mulling our options. We had once buried another dog in the yard of our old house. We had been told then that it was illegal to do so in our area, and this was a source of anxiety for a very young LG. I thought aloud that cremation would be better. I mentally dismissed, though apparently did not state, that I did not want Biscuit lumped in with all the other deceased pets.
So Heather continued trying to help me with arrangements. “OK, then, we’ll have $90 for the euthanasia; we’ll do the cremation; the mass is an additional $90…”
The mass? We would, I was certain, say a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing as we buried Biscuit’s ashes in the yard, but we had no intention of having a mass for him. $90? For a priest . . . mass cards . . . ? Just when I was mentally finalizing the funeral arrangements, Heather throws in this monkey wrench. I went through an elaborate inner process, trying to find a compartment for this new mass information. I finally decided that I needed to respond something like, “Thank you for thinking of that [clearly, Heather is Roman Catholic, and apparently assumed that we are as well; she is only trying to be sensitive and attentive to our spiritual needs], but we are Presbyterian [Biscuit has received communion (and by “received,” I mean stolen, and by “communion,” I mean bread) on at least two occasions], so we really won’t need a mass, we’ll take care of our own service.”
I opened my mouth to make this rather odd reply, but instead, out came, “Wait, what?”
Turns out, “the mass” meant “mass cremation,” as in, with all the other pets. That’s not what we wanted. Even though we were already dipping into all the $ we had, and some we didn’t, for his care, we wanted him cremated alone. I told Heather this, and that we’d take the basic container, nothing fancy, and we’d bring him home to bury him.
So that’s the story of how Biscuit was almost converted at the end of his life. We were greatly surprised that the “basic container” which I imagined as a plastic margarine tub, is actually a lovely wooden box with an intricate floral carving on the top. It is now on a bookshelf. I don’t know when or if we’ll bury it. Presbyterian.
What Was I Thinking? 
So funny and sad all together. I’m glad you chose the way you did. And, even though I was raised Catholic, I don’t want anyone paying an extra $90 for a Mass for me. 🙂
Sometimes you have to see the humor to get through the grief.
That’s a very nice box. Chloe and Penny are in wood boxes too. Except I wrote their names on the bottom in Sharpie so we would know who was who (whom?). They’re both in a drawer in our butler pantry, because we didn’t know what else to do with them.
That’s what we did for Sydney too. They offered us a “joint” at the time, or we could choose “solo.” I’m sad now that I didn’t see the humor opportunity with the “joint”, but like you, I was fogged at the time.
Maybe that’s the solution though, now that I think of it: we can have a Rat’s Asstafarian “Joint” service for Biscuit, with Sydney, Chloe, and Penny! 😉
Hahaa, I’m liking a joint service 🙂
RIP Biscuit.
I wonder who is the patron saint of dogs?
My condolences on the loss of the VBD. I love the quote from yesterday’s post. I have been meaning to get back to extend my best wishes to your family.
I just absolutely love you, Susie!
Isn’t that just like Biscuit? He gave you one last parting chuckle.
Poor you and poor Biscuit, thank goodness you twigged in time and he was be presbyterian to the last. I love the way you can find humour in the saddest times.
Oh that’s very nice! Both the dogs we had cremated are in plastic tupperware sorts of things in the buffet.
Our last two dogs, we left with the vet to deal with. I had this image in my head, of my children cleaning out my house when I’m dead, and them finding all these dog ashes in the buffet.
And the Patron Saint of Dogs is Saint Roch.
That is a very nice box. I’m not sure what else to say. I miss your VBD.
That is a lovely box, and I’m wondering why Shari was offered a joint and you were offered a Mass… but I’m glad you were clear-headed enough to question the conversion.
My mother kept her father’s ashes and her husband’s ashes in the file cabinet until recently. My uncle had Grandma’s [Presbyterian] ashes in an urn at his house until his daughter started saying “Good morning, Grandma” when she came into the room. (They finally agreed on where to have them all interred.)
As funny as those stories are, I see the benefit of having an urn or a pretty box nearby for at least a while. I think I’d still want to say “Good morning, Biscuit” for quite some time.
When my childhood kitteh died my parents had him cremated with the rest and I have always kinda wished I had his ashes. Even though I am not a “ritual” kind of gal I think it is more of a desire to keep taking care of him in some way. In any case you have once again tickled my funny bone as well as given me another sweet memory of Biscuit. It is a beautiful box.
BTW-yesterday while I was getting something out of my basement storage space I noticed something on the floor of a neighbour’s storage locker through the wire door. It was clearly a large marble cremation urn. It may well be empty but I can’t help but wonder who is “living” in the basement.
Well, it seems to me that Biscuit was Presbyterian by his own choosing, as evidenced by his voluntary theft of the communion bread. I think it shows what a good and respectful human companion you are that you honored his choice.
I’m sorry for your loss, Susie. I thought about Biscuit a few weeks ago when I showed up here on a Friday to check for new posts. He was an awfully good VBD and I think it is wonderful that you shared so much of him on your blog. Things aren’t such that our family can really have a pet just yet and I do like dogs. I sort of adopted (borrowed?) Biscuit a little bit because you shared him like that. I’m glad you did.
I’ve heard that Presbyterianism is just “Catholic-Lite”, and Lutherans are “Diet Catholics”. Maybe Biscuit’s near-conversion was just a small step.
The box is really classy…I’d be tempted to keep on the bookshelf forever.
I agree with Lynn’s assessment – he was Presbyterian by his own choosing. 🙂 I am so sorry for your loss – dogs are part of our families, no matter what. The box is beautiful, too. If that’s their “basic” container, what is the “deluxe” container? 🙂 Hope you had a good day!