Whereas, having been born on the day of the feast of the Epiphany, and whereas, “epiphany” is a very cool word to say, and inasmuch as I have, throughout my adult life, allowed myself a second chance at “New Year’s Day,” for purposes of resolution do-overs and the like, by proclaiming January 6th the REAL first day of the new year, and
Whereas, this year of our Lord 2009 has, more than any other in recent memory, gotten off to a particularly sucky start for myself and numerous friends, both online and off (as well as for various public figures); and having obtained endorsement of such a proposition by numerous, notable online friends, I do hereby propose (and decree, and maintain, and . . . PROCLAIM, yea that’s what I was going for, a PROCLAMATION)
that the New Year of 2009 shall, for all intensive purposes* begin on THIS day, January 6th.
Happy Birthday to me (and August95, and Shari’s husband, and I hope William’s baby but I can’t promise anything there THEY DID IT! THEY DELIVERED — AND BY THEY, I TOTALLY MEAN LAUREN — BABY JACKSON GREY ON MY BIRTHDAY! AND HIS, OF COURSE. WOOFREAKINHOO!!!!) and
Happy New Year to you!
*Today is the only day on which this phrase may be used; all other days, one must say, “for all intents and purposes.” Today is also the day that any and all other malapropisms (and/or “eggcorns”) will be most welcome here. After today, however, we must nick them in the butt.
What Was I Thinking? 