I did a really dumb thing. A dumb internet thing, which, in my experience, multiplies the dumbness of a thing exponentially.
I filled out an online dating questionnaire. No, I don’t want to date (anyone but Jif). Goodgod, no. I just know all these people, personally and professionally, who do want a significant other in their lives, and especially after a certain age, it’s really tough for them to find someone. For years, I would have told anyone and everyone, do NOT do online dating. But now I know some people who’ve been matched, very successfully and happily, by the online services. I always wondered how the process works. You know, for a friend.
Anyhow, I kept getting these emails inviting me to sign up. And they would match me for free. So . . . I did it. I KNOW, it was stupid. I was just curious what kinds of things they asked, and how they matched and all that. So, yea. I filled out the online form, with honest answers EXCEPT I didn’t say I was married, because, duh, I think they might have frowned upon that. It was that service that rejects people, and I wondered on what basis they might reject someone. I wondered if I would get the, “We’re sorry, but you are not our type,” letter.
I didn’t get that. I got about eight “matches” the first day. Everything is anonymous (first names), so I thought, hmm, interesting, and I deleted them. I had not paid for anything, so I knew no one could actually attempt to contact me. And I thought those little matchy profiles were the extent of what a cheap-ass non-paying person would receive. But then, I got a “Congratulations! Brett would like to conversate with you!” Well, not exactly that, but, yea.
So . . . that was dumb. Here I read about Brett, who seems nice as can be. He’s a photographer. That’s cool. He enjoys spending Saturdays on his boat. I’m not so into boating, so for that reason, OH, AND THE FACT THAT I DON’T DATE BECAUSE I’M MARRIED, I decided he’s not a match. And then I realized
::tangent:: I damned near always think about how my actions will affect other people. In this case, though, I missed the boat on that. I absolutely did not stop to think that those people out there wookin’ pa nub were actual, sincere, perhaps lonely human beings who weren’t doing an experiment, but who might actually get their hopes up about finding a potential compatible . . . companion::end tangent::
that Brett the boater had extended himself and would be waiting to hear whether or not the person he had invited to communicate would actually do so. I could even see why he thought we’d be a good match. So I’m here thinking, “oh shit.” Then I thought, if I don’t reply at all, that’s probably rude. And if I check the “not interested” box, that might hurt his feelings. (Yea, I wouldn’t be cut out for online matching, even if I were matchable.) Then I thought I could send him a short note explaining that he sounds GREAT! but I’m not really available, I was just curious and pissing away time on the internet because I had insomnia, and isn’t that a hoot . . . yea, no, I’m thinking he wouldn’t think that’s a hoot. Because IT’S NOT. It’s stupid and bordering on mean. And to say anything at all to the man, I’d have to join the freakin’ service, and how much sense would that make?
Crap. I think there’s a box for checking “I’m getting out of the pool,” or something like that.
Don’t try this at home, unavailable people. But, hey, if you like photography and boating, I know (of) this guy, Brett . . . 5’10” . . . likes chocolate sundaes and Photoshop . . .
(Oh, and uh . . . the most important qualities he’s looking for in a match are . . . um . . . honesty and sincerity.)
I am giggling, In Harmony, no less.
OMG, I thought about checking it out myself, but thankfully a single friend signed up. So I was able to check hers out. You know that men in the 50 – 60 range all like dancing. I doubt they all really do, but they put that on their profile, so all the women think they do. They all do want honesty and sincerity however. I am so thankful that I am not on the market.
An acquaintance found her husband on there. She was ticked that he was on there, well what about you, I said.
Another friend was matched with her ex-husband, they both thought it funny.
I think it can be a great thing, and heard of a few successes. I think you should have JIF sign up and see if you match. š
I’ve DONE that before! ‘Course, I was married too so I got out of the pool but isn’t it weird the things we do out of curiosity?
william, yes, very harmonic. Or harmonious.
nina, so I’m not the only one who was curious! That is quite something about your married friends finding their own current spouses on there. And I would bet Brett’s boat that Jif and I would NOT match. Some things, you really don’t want to know. You know?
I have a 60-y.o. friend who’s on one (or more) of those services. She’s a real catch — pretty, smart, funny, etc. — and she says most of the men she meets have posted very OLD pictures of themselves, and that she always hears from them, “I can’t believe you really look like your picture!”
traci, the expression, “Curiosity killed the cat,” comes to mind. Humans do lots of weird things out of curiosity. Many of them result in death. (OK, that’s probably a little extreme for the situation, huh?)
Hee! You seriously cracked me up with this one, Susie. You didn’t mention, though, what Jif had to say about all this?
Almost forgot to add:
Love. Hugs. Prayers.
Thank you for posting this. I too have always been curious about these things. Unfortunately I (unlike you, Susie) do not have a “professional” reason to do the research. I have thought about asking my husband if he wanted to try having us both sign up and see if we’re a match. But, well, that would be pretty self-indulgent on our parts, wouldn’t it?
So I’m glad you went through the process, Susie, and blogged about it, so I no longer have to wonder what it would be like… š
OMG I have sooo wanted to do this (and have my husband do it too to see if we get matched up.) Thank you for satisfying my curiosity.
That’s very funny! As a person who actually met her husband on match.com (9 years ago), I can vouch that sometimes it is a great place to meet people. And, just so you feel better, everyone on those sites expects rejections and is prepared for them. It’s part of the schtick. Maybe I’ll pass Brett’s name on to some of my single friends…..
ladybug, uh . . . I’ll let you know after he reads this! This all took place last night in the wee insomniac hours, and this morning. (yikes)
karen and becca, based on the kinds of questions they asked, I’m pretty sure that Jif and I would not be matched. Even though we are, in reality, compatible in most ways that are important to us. So, do that experiment at your own risk. Or probably wiser, just skip it.
sandi, congratulations. I’m sure most people on those sites don’t get replies to many or most of their inquiries. It just shocked me that someone wanted to talk to me, and I felt not very nice for indicating that there was such a possibility when there really wasn’t and . . . I am so not cut out for deception. Even (especially) online, anonymous deception.
Oh, and for anyone who cares, I KNOW that “conversate” isn’t a word. It’s just one of my favorite non-word words to use (in order to provocate). It always makes me half-smile to hear it, and I imagine it evokes some sort of reaction (half-smile, smirk, whatever) when I use it. So there. And that is both honest and sincere.
Your hysterical – I am married and I have thought of looking at online dating sites to see how they work and who uses them too but I always chicken out for fear that my husband would find out and think I was looking for the wrong reasons.
I had a co-worker that only dated guys if they owned their own boat. Finally one day I overheard her saying she’d just gotten engaged to this guy she’d only known for a couple of months. I thought, “I bet HE’S got a boat.”
I was right.
But I’m sure it was true L.U.V.
-On a side note, this entire post sounds like it is a guest post from “The Dating Game” blog from long ago. Not sure if it’s still out there or not. EmGee? You still out there?
“Conversate” makes me think of Flanella Jo. š
Wouldn’t it be interesting to tell him about WTF to see if he really liked honesty and sincerity? I wish there were a site like this where you could be matched up with doctors and specialists depending on your symptoms. Now that would be freakin’ awesome.
My SIL and her husband were united in this manner. I really like him the best after her past two marriage flops. She was actually the first and only one that my new BIL contacted and dated.
If I weren’t married, I’d be all over Brett. I love photography and boating…although I prefer the non-motorized kind with oars and regattas. I guess I’ll just have to make do with what I got, which is pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself.
Oh, I wanted to ask something. Does Brett even live in your region? I was wondering if they match Floridians with Alaskans, you know? That’s just wrong.
michelle, my husband may have that reaction! (I might be a little crazy.) At least he’ll know I’m not trying to hide it from him!
mrB, I don’t think I ever saw that blog. I wondered if a man’s saying he likes to spend time on his boat is a way of saying, “I got me some money!” Of course, any of that stuff is only as honest as people on the internet are, so . . . I was also tempted to do one entirely facetiously, like saying my favorite pastimes are . . . flying my private jet . . . lying . . .
bucky, I know. Me, too. Now if they matched me with Flanella Jo, Jif might have something to worry about. I loves me some Flanella Jo.
umutha, someone here should set up that website. Or, I’ve thought of a reality show, in which my WTF is a challenge for the doc contestants.
Oh, honey, Brett is right HERE. In Pretty City. That’s one of the questions they ask — how far would you go, so to speak, for the hookup. And I, quite honestly said, “not very far.” PWAHAAAAHAAA! I’M KILLIN’ MYSELF!!!!
Well, I have absolutely no idea who Flanella Jo is but I’ll admit “conversate” did crack me up while I was thinking about all the words it could substitute for!
Okay, I must be weird (but we knew that, right?). I have never wondered what the online dating thing is all about. And I, like you, would feel totally guilty for giving Brett the cold shoulder.
You will be happy to know that ‘conversate’ did generate a half-smile from me.
Susie! You are desirable! It’s the answer to the question us old married folk ask ” if I didn’t have the mr., who would want me?” (you all ask that, don’t you?)
Wonder no more, Susie. You have a fall back. You are wanted!
This made me laugh so hard that I had to de-lurk!
I suspected that my husband was curious and had done the same thing. (I’m an IT Manager…I know where my computer browses when I’m not around!!)
SO, I created myself a profile and did a search for his characteristics (age, location, interests, etc.) and voila found his profile. THEN, as a test, I send him a request to “conversate” to see if he’d respond. (very scary, let me tell you!) He responded. However, he replied that he was very happily married and had only created a profile because he was curious about how online dating sites worked.
Yay! He passed! I bought him flowers.
You are clearly a total catch! Such a heartbreaker…
I have wondered such things, in my less-sane moments
…not meaning you were having one, of course; after all, it was for PROFESSIONAL REASONS, lol I am cracking up here (dear Brett, whoever you are, she didn’t mean it)…
I actually know 2 women who used that site as they approached their 40’s. And yes, they harmoniously met their future husbands, married, and each had a baby boy within the following 18 months. I wonder, is that a requirement?
But what I really want to know is, how can we get “House” to conversate with you?
It’s like a blind date, once removed. Or something. Those sites are like your good friends talking up this other person, only you’re asking to be lied to this time around. AND you’re paying for it.
I’m another one who met her husband this way-though not on the site you refer to. If Brett has been online for any length of time, he won’t be hurt by your callous rejection. š
In spite of my success with the process, what I hated about online dating is the kneejerk rejection of people. I think if you meet someone at school, work, church-through normal life-and you’re around them on a regular basis, you may make initial judgements that later prove to be off base. Dismissing someone after a half hour in a coffee shop isn’t exactly fair, (I know, LIFE isn’t fair) and there’s a good chance you could be missing out on somebody that could prove to have great friend potential if nothing else. I tried to give every guy a second chance when I was online dating. I have two friends that were not romantic matches, but ultimately good and loyal pals.
hahaha – I have video of my aunt doing this (her granddaughter taught her at the family Christmas party).
(Sigh!) just as i thought – the married ones snag more than their share, leaving us single fish still looking…. š
Just kidding you, Susie! Still….. There is something to be said for geography, if you found Brett so quickly in your area. The pickin’s here are pretty slim! (PS – you WILL tell us Jif’s reaction, though, right?)
Oh Sweetie… you’re not stupid!
I’m just glad you didn’t decide to “try out” any of those other email invitations… you know… the “enhancement” ones…
traci, FJ showed up on the first blog I ever read, where I met a lot of the folks who visit here. She was obviously a fictitious commenter, but SO charming. She just wanted to conversate with us. š
shawkey, it seems I’m not as weird as I thought I might be, and you are the weird one. š And I am very happy to have contributed to any fraction of your smile.
anne, welcome from lurkdom, and stop in any time. Thank you for your vote of confidence in my ability to line up a fall-back. heeee
lisa, holy crap! I wouldn’t go that far. That must have been a very tense few minutes or hours or whatever. I’m not willing to pay anything in order to give that explanation to Brett. But even if it were free, I think I’d be worried about his being annoyed or worse. In hindsight, I think it was a really obnoxious thing that I did, wasting people’s time, etc. Now I wonder if the woman who responded to your husband felt that way. Hmmm.
kalki, I am sure my popularity is due to the fact that I posted YOUR picture on my profile. The “homeless hat” one. š
kc, no need to be diplomatic, this really was a less-sane moment. And yes, I think that is a requirement. I had to make a statement that I would produce a male heir. Except I changed it to male HARE. I figured I could do that.
mrB, paying for people to lie to you. I think we call that “taxes.”
atm, I know that you are a huge success story. I mean, you’re not huge, but your success is. Of your story. You know what I mean! And you make an excellent point. If we kept seeing someone at work or church, our initial impression might evolve into something else. In fact, it would be very likely to. So, yea, the quick dismissal could have people missing out.
I don’t know how long Brett has been seeking. I imagine part of the reason he wanted to conversate is our both being from tiny little Pretty City.
mrtl, I’ll bet they had a blast š
lawyerchik, I’m not remembering where you live . . . I’ll come and refresh my memory. And yea, with everyone’s comments, I’m starting to wonder about Jif’s response. I’ll let you know . . . provided I’m still allowed on the computer…
ck, who says I didn’t?!
I forgot to mention, I know someone who is on Sugar Daddy. com and men on there are honest about being married. You know looking on the side and I have so much money and can take care of you.
I told her and yes I did, you might as well be a hooker. I found Sugar Daddy ….. com disgusting.
As far as wanting to know if John and I would be matched, your right, I wouldn’t want to know. Since we are matched in ways that are important to us. No sense in messes with a bee hive.
I know funny. This is funny.
If you don’t want to blow him off, but don’t want to hurt his feelings either, maybe you should “conversate” with him (why is the spell check prompting me to change “conversate?”) but then come off as being really obnoxious or shallow or something so he dumps your ass?!? Then it’s HE who has gotten rid of you! Too much trouble and putzing around? Fine then, just tell him the truth. Good luck and have a wonderful weekend!
Oh, Susie! If it makes you feel any better (and it probably shouldn’t!), I did the same thing once, but for different reasons (no, not for cheating, and I did it with the husband’s blessings even thought it just further illustrated my propensity for being off-the-wall). Maybe you and I could get together sometime and remake a couple of I Love Lucy episodes.
nina, I agree; that daddy site was just sleazy. Blech.
WB, nice to see you š And I know that you know funny.
cb, you are worse than I am! Don’t try this at home! Here’s what I did: I gave him a very high mark for being a good match for me, so as not to bruise his ego, but then I “closed” the match, and checked the box with the reason: I intend to pursue a different relationship. heeeee (Jif agreed to this.)
lynn, now why doesn’t this make me feel less nuts? š You’re right, there was definitely a Lucy-esque aspect to this adventure. As I’ve said, my life is “I Love Lucy — On Crack.”
You’ll appreciate this: I kept getting more matches this evening, and looking at their personal info pages — I’m sorry, but to make fun of them whenever possible. For example, “Bob” says, “I’m a well rounded individual. I can fit in anywhere.” To which I resisted the urge to reply, “Anywhere? What about a square hole, Bob?!” Yea, it’s a good thing I’m leaving e-Harm voluntarily; I’m sure they’d end up putting me out.
LMAO at mr. b, “…only youāre asking to be lied to this time around. AND youāre paying for it.”
I spent about a year doing the online dating thing quite heavily; in fact, I did meet the Cap’n that way. Someday I’ll write a blog post about it. It was really, really interesting. My, how people do lie!
Too funny! Hubby signed up for one once because he saw a long-lost friend of his on it and wanted to get back in touch (all with my knowledge and blessing, of course). Isn’t it nice when you can completely trust someone? *happy sigh*
Anyhoo, my DH and I met the old fashioned way before all these fancy-schmancy dating sites. We met in an IRC chat room. š Celebrating 10 years this week!
I’m just asking… y’know, for a friend who saw your profile online… are you hot? š You’re such a dork. You’re almost enough of a dork to be related to me!!
Hee hee, I never tried this. Sounds like I won’t now.
I went to check it out, I don’t have to say “for a friend” because I AM single…and they only give you the choice of “Man looking for a woman” or “Woman looking for a man.”
Apparently, the good doctor doesn’t realize that queers need lovin’, too.
htgt, congrats on meeting the Cap’n. I’ll look forward to reading, when you post about your experiences.
kristi, happy anniversary. Both my husband and I are technologically challenged, so we never would have happened, except the old-fashioned way.
shari, this was a rather dorky thing to do. My hotness comes in flashes. (Not true, yet, but any day now, I’m sure.)
squirl, I wouldn’t recommend it, except, you know, for research purposes.
bucky, well who needs the good doc, then? Just for you, I went and signed up all gay on match.com. You’ll be good there. OK, I didn’t all the way go gay on there, because I think I’d rather stick a fork in my eye than fill out one of those questionnaires again, but I did go far enough to see that they’d let me be a woman seeking a woman. I think all of this means I can never run for political office. I mean, being married and seeking a man, and seeking a woman . . . and leaving an electronic trail of my philandering . . .
Au contraire…I think that qualifies you perfectly for American politics.
heh. You’re right. I am all things to all people. š
http://info.mobile.msn.com/en-us/whatsnew.aspx
See, Suze? I been thinking’ ’bout ya! š
hee
Are you Lucy or Ethyl? I hope you’re Lucy. I would not get along with Ricky. Besides, Fred might be short and bald, but he’s a class A cheapskate. You know what that does for me.
Maypop EVERYTHING.
See? You almost have to be Lucy. Fred would drive you nuts.
That was me up there. š
That WAS me. Awaiting moderation because I was Anon! Now that I’m totally confused… I think I’ll go back to bed. ‘Night, Susie!
That’s OK, lynn, I’m pretty confused, too. š
to flipp’n funny!!
okay, this was just too funny! especially about “Bob, the well rounded individual.” He was just asking for it, wasn’t he?
i almost fell over when i read “conversate.” spunky uses this word and it drives me nuts…since it’s NOT a word. i cannot convince him of this! now that you have used, i throw up my hands in defeat!
i will heretofore start conversating with people.
Oh Susie, what a way to spend the afternoon….it all seems so innocent at the time…….I have done the same thing….and I’m old and single, but got scared…..remember I’m old……now my daughter met her love on line, and they are still together (3years) and a perfect match….