As part of my attempts at self-healing from WTF, I am exploring Eastern mind-body healing arts. My acupuncturist recommended that I begin a Qigong (chee-gung) practice. What do you mean you’ve never heard of Qigong!? Just kidding. I hadn’t, either. I think it’s sort of a kinder, gentler Tai Chi. (I know, that explanation helps a lot, right?)
I told the fam the other night that I had received the Qigong DVD I ordered from Amazon, and intended to “do it.” LG asks, “You’re going to do what to a chick-ON?” She pronounces “chick-ON” like the chick on the old McDonald’s “chicken selects” commercial, where there are a bunch of teens in a car, saying, “Chick-ON!” And of course her asking that question means that we must all practice saying, “Chick-ON! Chick-OOOHHHHNNN!” I don’t think that’s the practice the acupuncturist intended.
Saturday, I finally popped in my DVD and recruited LG to venture into the world of Qigong with me. It was very enjoyable and stretchy. But LG pooped out mid-way through. She was looking for an escape, and seized the moment when the video guy said, “Now pretend you’re rolling a big ball of qi…”
“A big ball of cheese?! Did he say we’re rolling a big ball of cheese?!”
“He said, ‘qi.’ It’s spelled Q-I, and it’s pronounced, ‘chee,’ and it means . . . (I searched briefly for a short definition as I rolled my imaginary cheeseball and breathed) . . . energy. Qi means energy.”
“Qi is spelled Q-I, and pronounced ‘chee,’ and means energy. Cheese is spelled C-H-E-E-S-E and is pronounced ‘cheese,’ and means . . . Mommy, what does ‘cheese’ mean?”
“I’m old and sick and trying to do qigong and you’re asking me what cheese means?!”
“I’ll look it up.”
“You’re going to look up WHAT CHEESE MEANS?” stretch, breathe . . .
“I know what it IS, I just don’t know the definition of it. . . ”
I think my qigong practice is going to be a solo effort.
What Was I Thinking? 