Well, it’s happened again. Remember this, about how having LG in this particular Grrl Scawt troop makes me feel like I’m in the parenting twilight zone? Yea, still there. The details of transportation for all the scawts were discussed ad nauseum at the unofficial cookie meeting, a couple of weeks ago. Since LG and Roxy, the leader’s daughter, are on the same bus route, it was agreed that LG will just get off the bus at Roxy’s house (where the meeting is), about 1/2 mile away from our house. Emails have circulated since that time, all confirming how each scawt will get there, and each one had LG riding the bus home with Roxy.
So, first, it’s a miracle I even bothered to check. But I did. After LG had left for school, after I had given her instructions about what to do (go to Roxy’s house) and advised her that I did not plan on being home this afternoon, and just before I went out for the day.
What the hell? The (titular) leader completely changed the plans, giving me and my child no notice whatsoever, and apparently with no plans for giving that notice, other than her child telling my child what to do after school. And that “what to do” included getting off the bus at an empty house, and walking alone to the meeting, without my knowing any of that was happening. Am I in the freakin’ twilight zone? Am I lost in the ’50s (even though I wasn’t born in the ’50s)? I INSIST upon knowing where my 11-year-old is! And on being the one to decide when and under what circumstances she walks somewhere alone!
Here it is:
From: Susie Fairchild whatwasit@comcast.net
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To: Iminna Fogg i.fogg@gmail.com
Subject: GS Meeting today
Date: Thursday, September 27, 2007 8:53:50 AM
Hi, Iminna,
Just confirming, LG will get off the bus with Roxy today, right?
Thanks,
Susie
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From: Iminna Fogg i.fogg@gmail.com
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To: Susie Fairchild whatwasit@comcast.net
Subject: RE: GS Meeting today
Date: Thursday, September 27, 2007 9:13:50 AM
Well, that was the plan. However, Roxy decided that she did not want to miss rock climbing after school, and will not be riding the bus home. I asked her to tell LG to go ahead and get off the bus at her own stop, and walk to our house. However, I’m not sure if LG will be comfortable walking to the meeting alone. So, don’t be surprised if she comes home first! If she does come home, would you like Amy to pick her up?
Sorry about the mix up. Children don’t always go along with our plans.
Iminna
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From: Susie Fairchild whatwasit@comcast.net
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To: Iminna Fogg i.fogg@gmail.com
Subject: RE: RE: GS Meeting today
Date: Thursday, September 27, 2007 9:30:50 AM
OK. Gee, I’m glad I asked! I had arranged to be at work this afternoon, expecting that LG was going home with Roxy. I’ll call school and get a message to LG to come home, I’ll arrange to be here, and I’ll bring her to the meeting. Thanks.
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these people are setting the female race back — hopefully they don’t rub off on LG
WFT?!?
I mean when we make plans with another child, like X is coming to our house and then we are taking them to BB practice, I don’t care what the GirlChild decides she wants to do later, she’s made a commitment which must be honored. And I have to assume her mother thinks the commitment will be honored and she will be where I said she would be.
I mean WTF?!?
you are such a good mommy. i think, perhaps, the reality is that you’re the only one who *doesn’t* live in the twilight zone!
Susie, you might be surprised at just how many parents operate in exactly this manner. There are quite a few people like this woman running around out there. The only time I can really be relaxed when my children are not right in front of my face is when they are either in a classroom, or with my husband or sister or sister’s husband (or some combination of those three folks). I only trust them because they are like me when it comes to the children. It has been my experience that many other parents just don’t take supervision seriously. Maybe these are just *lucky* people who don’t understand because they can’t imagine bad things happening to them or their children.
I think you have to rip her a new one. Seriously!
Sounds like this other woman is in the twilight zone of irresponsibility!
Should I be afraid to eat the cookies they sell?
So to what extent can to trust any future “plans” made by this, uh, leader?
So irresponsible. I worry about her kid.
Unbelievable! Would she be so cpavalier about her own child’s plans? Doubt it. Did this woman not even talk to her daughter before making the plans? If she did and her daughter decided to change her mind, wouldn’t you think the mother would spout some words about responsibility and sticking to a plan you had agreed to? But, sadly, there are a lot of mother’s like this out there creating adults who can plan their own lives, or who have no regard for how their actions effect others.
*poo-pooed the Scouts idea as soon as Bloggy JR mentioned because, well, people suck*
You sure her name isn’t Myhedsin Myass?
Gah! And what if this little girls decides she doesn’t want to go rock climbing now and does take the bus and you had to go and change all your plans around for nothing to suit the whims of a child who wasn’t even your own?!
I think Squirl’s right about this lady’s name…
What Kranki said. I don’t think this woman gets how completely inappropriate her change of plans was. Sheesh.
mrtl, I hope they don’t rub off. I have the added responsibility of explaining to her just what makes their behavior so atrocious. She says she gets it; I’m not sure. I suspect I just come off as a stick-in-the-mud.
m&co, absolutely. That’s a whole ‘nother aspect of this, where this mom (many moms) and I don’t agree. If someone else is counting on my kid being somewhere and doing something, because she agreed to it, then she’s going to honor her agreement. Or at the very least, she’s going to go to that person and/or their parent and explain the change of plans. No one else seems to do things that way, here.
traci, see above. I fear you might be right. It’s lonely here in the zone.
lynn, very true. Stuck in the front of my brain is something I heard from a clinical supervisor many, many years ago: “There is no substitute for parental supervision.” I took that to heart on a lot of levels, including: I don’t have the right to make decisions for someone else’s kid without their consent, and no one will take my child’s safety and well-being as seriously as I do. That last one is somewhat overstated, but not by much.
kranki, I know.
sassy, sadly, she is more the norm in our little sphere than I am. I keep being dazed and confused by the regular reminders of this. Just can’t get my mind around it.
william, the cookies are still good. Wanna place an order?
ssnick, I am wrestling with that. Even with removing LG from the troop, because this is typical of this bunch, sadly.
htgt, yea, you do, and I do. Not sure she does.
sandi, that’s a key point. Many parents never mention that at all, to their children — how is your behavior going to affect others? I feel very much in the minority, focusing on that. And it makes it hard for my daughter to “compete” in school, in social life, because she’s around others who aren’t being raised the same way. I know of two girls in her circle whose parents have similar values. The rest . . . all their values are in $, I’m afraid.
mrB, in fairness, LG used to have a SUPER scawt leader. Well, she offended me on a regular basis, but that was fine, because she did teach good values to the grrrls.
squirl, LOL, for real. You get the comment prize today 🙂
ck, whatever the child decides is FINE. Children don’t always go along with our plans. Or their own.
kalki, I know that she doesn’t get it. I hoped that my reply would express a tad of irritation, incredulity, without being nasty. But this is not a woman who would “get” subtlety. And I don’t have it in me to mount a full-on assault on her lack of couth, etiquette, parenting skills, citizenship, Grrl Scawt values, etc. Incidentally, this woman and her husband are regarded as brilliant, highly intellectual types. He’s world-renowned in his field.
Oye. That is all.
The dad is world renowned in his field? Well, that just goes to show ya how valuable being world renown is eh?
I mean, if you aren’t teaching your child, your future, to be a thoughtful and responsible world citizen, what are you teaching them to be? World renown in their field?
Wow! That’s awful, Susie. I’m glad everything worked out in the end. I don’t blame you for being concerned, and I think you handled it great. I’d be FUMING!
in all seriousness, some people are just weird! i truly believe that there’s no reaching them beyond their own ozone layer. you protecting your own as you are seems to be the only solution at this point, since you can’t teach anything to stupid people (ignorant people can be taught; stupid (read: “world-renowned in his field”) people cannot be. ever.).
OK, that just pisses me off on so many levels.
It also reminds me of an experience I had just today picking up the Littlest Eclectic from preschool. He asked for another minute to finish the digging he was doing when I arrived, and since I had time to accomodate him, I did. On my heels was the arrival of another parent there to pick up his daughter, let’s call her “Angel”. Well, Angel didn’t want to go. Parent (laughingly) told her it was time to go. Angel shouted, “NO!”
Parent laughed, shrugged shoulders, and then told all the other adults in the vicinity why it was important for Angel to leave right then, but made no effort toward causing Angel to leave.
Littlest Eclectic finished his project, thanked his teacher for a nice day, grabbed his coat and said, “C’mon Mommy, let’s go.” As I took his hand to leave, Angel shrieked, “NO (Littlest Eclectic), DON’T GO WITH HER!!!) Whereupon her parent actually asked me if I could wait until Angel was comfortable with Littlest Eclectic leaving. HE REALLY ASKED ME IF I WOULD!!
Excuse me? Everyone in the world needs to bow down to the “needs” of your little tyrant??? Um, lemme think about that: NO! But thanks for asking.
(Sorry Susie — I think I just spilled a little rant on your blog.)
Well, I can’t beat Squirl’s comment, but I do have a suggestion: how about if you lock this woman in a small room with the Fart Family and a kettle full of baked beans overnight?
The one thing I do know is that LG gets it. She gets common courtesy, responsibility because you model that for her. You would never change plans without talking to the parents and helping come up with a different plan or making sure there was one. She also has the security of knowing that you know where she is.
All I can say is that is the way I was way back then. None of mine have been in therapy, yet for an overbearing mother so that must say something.
You have to wonder what some parents are thinking. If I were that girl’s mother she’d be skipping rock-climbing. That’s a no-brainer to me.
I often berate myself for not arranging more social opportunities for my son, but when I read things like this I realize why. I don’t trust people I don’t know very well to be in charge of my kid. (Thank goodness his best friend lives close by and I trust that family — so he does have that at least.)
*look of disbelief*
That’s just wrong.
And the Angel story? OMG, Shari! That’s terrible. I’m sure you didn’t stand for it. The world does not revolve around one complete stranger’s crotch spawn just so s/he can control every aspect of what’s going on in the room.
Oops. I started ranting too. Sorry.
“Children don’t always go along with our plans.”
HOLY SH*T!!! Yeah, kids don’t always go along with our plans. They do stuff like… being born on unexpected dates, and, until they are of legal age, generally tend to have needs, such as being looked after, that, uh, might INTERFERE with our plans.
Esa mujer no tiene nombre. = There is no name for a that woman. Except 4-letter expletives. You were far too kind. I would have asked her if she went to the same parenting school as the parents of little “lost” Madeleine… you will remember, the parents who left their toddlers unattended in a hotel at night, with the door unlocked, because they “didn’t fit into their plans.”
This is why I have a dog. 🙂
Good GRIEF! That woman certainly IS in a fog, isn’t she?