Last year, I proclaimed it an official tradition, and much to my happy surprise, I have had email requests for it this year. So here are the turkeys again.
And just so’s you know, I’m OK. The treatment on which I’ve embarked is a curious thing. I had about three days in a row last week where I felt pretty darned good. That was following some really bad, feel-like-giving-up days, on one of which I fell on the concrete floor in my basement. As I tweeted to my twitter pals: I smashed my right knee and hip, then my left shoulder, because apparently, that’s just how I roll.
I’ve been trying to write a WTF update post, and I will, rather soon. It’s just that there’s so much that’s happened. And one of the features of WTF Disease is what those in the know call “brain fog.” It’s hard for me to string ideas together sometimes. It’s hard for me to find right words, and spell them, use them properly. I imagine it’s like being hit with a sudden, acute case of Attention Deficit Disorder plus an expressive language disorder. Quite out of my comfort zone. But then, so is the rest of WTF. I’ll say more about it soon. I’ll even show you my humongous bottle of drugs. It’s impressive, truly.
But without further ado, to-do, who-do, voodoo, I give you the turkeys:
Across the hall from my office is what I believed to be a daycare center. Turns out, it is some sort of work-release program for 3- and 4-year-olds, from which they operate a turkey farm. As you can imagine, it’s been a busy place this week. I’ve dealt with a turkey or two in my day, so I thought I’d take a moment to offer some last-minute turkey selection guidance, with a little help from my turkey-raising friends across the hall.
Do look for:
A plump, confident bird that will look you right in the eye. All parts should be . . . “in the ballpark,” so to speak.
A bird that appears intoxicated, or just effin’ goofy. You don’t want that.
The upside-down turkey, with crossed legs and shifty eyes. May also exhibit a paranoid demeanor. This bird will NOT digest easily.
Watch for the inbred turkey. Its feathers and legs tend to grow inward. Also be leery of turkeys with excessive glue or other miscellaneous white liquids dripping from their beaks. You just don’t know where a turkey like this has been.
This is the “WTF” turkey. Any bird that elicits, as your first response, a startled “WTF?!” is to be avoided. Just say no.
If you’re here reading this, you’re probably old (as opposed to a first-timer). I remain thankful for your online friendship, and your continuing to stop by when not much of anything new is going on here. I wish you a lovely thanksgiving, and hope your brain grows weary of thinking of all the many blessings you have, for which to give thanks.