Comcast internet news has the best headlines. Like the title of this post. The headlines are so good/bad that I never read the articles they entitle, because, really, the article couldn’t possibly be as good/bad as the headline, which tells me all I need to know. “Letterman Rips Into O’Reilly.” The visual from that is way better than what the article would say. But then there was that one time when the headline said, “Prince Dies in California Car Crash,” and I went all Purple Rainy because I love Prince, and isn’t that a damned shame . . . and I did have to read that article, and turns out it was the Prince of Tonga, which pissed me off but made me very happy at the same time. Wouldn’t you have thought “Prince,” “the artist?”
Anyhow, when I saw the headline about the spilled pig heads, and two tons of ‘em, at that, it seemed to be a fitting headline for what’s been going on around here the last coupla weeks. First, there’s WTF Disease. I’m trying to write a post giving an update, a description, or some such thing but that’s not done yet. Let me just say that things aren’t going well. Yesterday I went to get the results of a biopsy — a TONGUE biopsy — that was done a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t. Get any results, that is. Because after the ENT doc stuck a NEEDLE IN MY TONGUE to numb it, then CUT OUT A CHUNK OF MY TONGUE to send it away somewhere so someone could do things to it, the someone did the wrong things to it, and did not at all answer the questions that my doc was asking. So. Still waiting for that. More than two weeks later.
But before I could go to get the non-results, an hour away from my home, I had to get my husband to come home to stay with my little girl, who was puking. The day before Halloween. And when he got home, and I went out to get in my car to go an hour away to get non-results, my battery was dead. So I took Jif’s car. Jif’s no-freakin’-gas-havin’ car. An hour away to a city where I don’t know about gas stations because I can barely find the doc’s office, but I have to just get there because with the puking and the battery and all, and with me not knowing at that time that I’m going there for NOTHING anyway, because the pathodoc didn’t do the right things to his piece of my tongue . . . um, yea, I would’ve been late. If I’d stopped for gas. So I didn’t. Until after the pointless appointment. Then I did find gas, but lost my gas card. For about twenty minutes. Then I found it under my tire. I have no idea.
And in the mail, I discovered that I’m a criminal. I must pay $75 or go directly to jail. Because I ran a redlight and got my picture taken. I don’t remember doing that. I didn’t intend to do that. But they have pictures. So what can I do? (Hmm, wonder if the prison docs are familiar with WTF?)
And then there’s health insurance. I am extremely thankful to have health insurance. And I HATE it. A couple of weeks ago, they switched me from my “open access” plan to a “no access ever” plan. Without telling me. So I kept going to my docs, my tests, my scopes and procedures, and all the while, the insurance company was denying my claims. Do you know how hard it is to straighten out a mess like that? I have tens of thousands of dollars of medical bills being sent directly to me, and doctors’ “offices” mad at me for falsifying my insurance coverage . . . . yadda yadda yadda. I think it’s fixed, now. But it will be a long time of telling everyone to resubmit their bills. I’m so not in the mood for that. The insurance company cancelled my old cards and sent me new ones. I especially like this one. I have long needed to carry a card like this:
I might not keep it in my wallet, though. I might glue it to my face, or staple it to the side of my head.
And then, LG, my little leopard being sick on Halloween. That shit just ain’t right. She missed school yesterday and today, including the big party and parade. But, in accordance with doctor’s orders, she did go trick-or-treating for a little while tonight. Honest, her pediatrician said, “Keep her home from school tomorrow, but give her some Motrin and send her out trick-or-treating. It’s only once a year, it won’t kill her.”
So that was a treat, getting to see her in her fancy leopard costume. Thanks to our friend Easy Writer for once again sewing a masterpiece. Makeup is by Mama. I did do a little bit better job tonight than my first attempt (see the Flickr photos). Biscuit went out trick-or-treating, but he didn’t wear a costume. As you’ve seen, though, we did try a couple of looks on him. Even though neither LG nor I felt well today, we ALWAYS feel well enough to torture small furry animals.
And I did get one other treat. In the mail yesterday. My good friend, Katy, who comments here sometimes, and has known me since high school, sent me a shawl that she had knitted for me. A bling bling prayer shawl:
And I’m just in love with it. It makes me feel warm and loved and better. It joins another prayer shawl and a velvety blankie, sent by blogfriends to help me get through this WTF Disease. Although my symptoms are really kicking my ass the last few days, I am very thankful for shawls, blankies, books, cookies, cards, prayers, phone calls, emails, comments . . . all good medicine for WTF; indeed, the only medicine I’m taking for it, because “they” still don’t know WTF WTF is. Thank you for the medicine, friends.
See why Truck Spills Two Tons of Pig Heads seemed a fitting summation of current affairs at chez Fairchild?
My condolences to the royal family of Tonga.
file under: &Family &Can’t Make This Stuff Up &WTF Disease